This post was written by Marjorie Burns, Dialectical Behavioral Therapist Program Supervisor, Parkview Behavioral Health Institute.
If you’ve been out and about the last few weeks, you may have heard “Happy Holidays.” You might have even noticed that, before Halloween, there was Christmas decor on display. If you’re like me, you may have even had a visceral reaction: “Already?”
Defining “holidays”
In the 1500s, the earlier word Halidai, from the old English Haligdaez, meant “holy day.” This was changed in the 14th century to mean both “religious festival” and “day of exemptions from labor and recreation.” In the 16th century, it became “an occasion of joy and gaiety.”
What the holidays might mean for some
While looking up these definitions, I couldn’t help but feel, as a therapist in the mental health field, that these don’t quite define what the holiday brings to many people. For some, the holidays can deliver a great amount of stress, depression and anxiety. For others, belonging can feel foreign or even scary.
Most can’t afford to have the popular consumer concept of a “happy holiday” or they feel lost, with no one to spend the time with. Maybe they had a death or a breakup, and they know the holidays are going to be different.
Why is this so important? Knowing that the holiday season can bring stress, loneliness and overwhelming emotions matters. Whether it's the pressure to meet expectations, reminders of personal loss or the weight of difficult relationships, it’s critical to consider that managing emotions during the holidays can be challenging.
The statistics:
- The American Psychological Association reported that nearly 9 in 10 individuals are stressed or feel overwhelmed during the holiday season.
- National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) reported that 64% of those living with a diagnosed disorder experience heightened symptoms during the holiday season.
- Life Stance Health reported that 51% of individuals feel lonely around the holidays even when they are around loved ones, with only 24% stating they never feel lonely around the holidays.
A different mindset for the holidays
With these numbers and new perspective in mind, I wanted to take the time to share some tips for navigating the upcoming holidays, including a few creative holiday survival skills and self-awareness techniques.
Holiday planning
When do you start to plan for your holidays? Is it all year, weeks out or down to the wire? Do you dread the fast-paced merrymaking, or do you enjoy Black Friday shopping? When my children were little, I never started Christmas shopping until the week of Christmas. Santa Claus passed out a few gifts on Christmas Eve, then we were off the Midnight Mass, and then all the gifts were under the tree Christmas morning. Looking back, I think, how did I survive that? But, for me, it was the greatest time of the year. We all have our patterns for the holiday. The most important question is: Am I getting joy from how I’m doing this or am I overwhelming myself? If it’s the latter, start a new plan.
Your values
Be introspective and ask yourself what you enjoy. And be honest! Consider what the holiday season actually means to you and look at where your values align. My family is now multigenerational (four generations and counting), and each younger generation comes with their own holiday expectations as they formulate their own family traditions. We do our best to accommodate as many loved ones as we can. But this can be very challenging and heart-breaking, knowing someone might be disappointed or left out.
We need to remember it’s the creation of other memories that really matter. Making time for everyone may not be an option. Focus on what is possible and what the time means for those we care about.
Make connections
Some people don’t have any family or friends to spend the holidays with. If that’s you, I challenge you to start making connections. It’s natural to want to belong, to feel a part of something. Feeling connected to others is one of the best predictors of happiness and contentment in life.
My grandchildren have Friendsgiving, when they gather as a family unit. Our family always invites friends over, and it only adds to the holidays. Extend an invitation to someone in your life. And if you have nowhere to go, be courageous and ask if you can join someone. If you aren’t comfortable with that, volunteer somewhere. We have the power to decide how to have a meaningful holiday season.
Mindfulness and self-care
Don’t forget that self-care practices are about maintaining your physical and mental health. These measures can reduce anxiety, frustration and stress, and improve concentration, energy and happiness.
Prioritize:
- Sleep
- Movement
- Healthy foods
- Meditation and mindfulness techniques
- Journal
Remember, taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. It’s necessary. No one can pour from an empty cup, and if you aren’t well, you can’t enjoy the season with those you love.
You also have my permission to:
- Allow yourself to say no
- Be realistic about the time you have and what do you want to do with that time
- Be creative: Make a gift and reimagine your presents by including acts of service
- Volunteer at the shelter, church or offer to clean your neighbor’s walk
- Practice gratitude
- Accept your feelings, grief and joy
Help is there if you need it
If you’re struggling this holiday season, help is available. Parkview Behavioral Health Institute (PBHI) provides personalized inpatient and outpatient care to those who are struggling with mental health issues. Call the PBHI HelpLine at 260-471-9440 or 1-800-284-8439 to receive an assessment or learn more about our services 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Make the time to enjoy your journey of life, with those you love. Embrace the highs and the lows, the joys and the sorrows. It’s all a part of us, and we are all special. Peace and blessings to you this holiday season.
