This post was written based on an appearance by Brian Keske, PA, PPG – Psychiatry, on the WANE15 program Real Talk on Mental Health.
How can we encourage someone who needs mental health help?
Many of us have experienced this challenge. We have a friend or a family member who's having a mental health or addiction challenge, and they're not seeking help the way we want them to, or perhaps not even acknowledging that it's a problem. And oftentimes, we just don't know what to say or do. And the real tragedy is, sometimes because we have the best of intentions and we care so much, we might inadvertently drive them away. I have a couple tips on how to avoid creating this negative reaction.
First, think about the approach. We really want to avoid putting someone on the defensive. Sometimes we say things like, just pull yourself together, or I know exactly what you're going through. Instead, show curiosity without any judgment. Opt for a phrase like, I notice this change in you, or I notice that you stopped doing this, and I want you to help me understand what's going on.
Second, think about how you listen to someone. It's easy these days with everything going on to be distracted. We scroll on our phones as we're talking to someone, we've got the TV on or we're cleaning up. But it's really powerful if we can talk to someone and give them that sense that we're fully present and listening and caring about what they're saying. Sometimes just that presence is enough to give someone exactly what they need, right in that moment.
And thirdly, be careful not to give advice. We've all done this before. We say, when this happened to me, I did this and it was helpful, or I think you should … Instead, give people the sense that they have options. For some, talking to friends and family is all they need. For others, talking to a mental health professional may be helpful. It's important to find what is best for the individual and then let them know you’ll be there to support them.
What if you’ve done all these things and the person isn’t seeking help?
Be patient. We care so much, and we really want to help, but sometimes we come on too strong. Most people don't like being told what to do. So we want to give people that sense of, this is your choice and I'm here to support you, whatever you decide.
What’s the difference between advice, information and reassurance?
Advice goes back to that idea of, here's what I would do if I were you. But providing information gives them that sense of control over their situation, especially because many times it's things outside of their control that are making them feel this way to let people know. The reassurance is to say, this feeling won't last forever. Tell them that you don't know exactly what is best, but there are options that can help and you will support them no matter what. This feeling will pass. We can find a way through this even if I don't know exactly how.
Here to help
If you have concerns, call the PBHI HelpLine at 260-471-9440 or 1-800-284-8439 to receive an assessment or learn more about our services 24 hours a day, seven days a week.